Cesarin Asked: Why doesn’t my boyfriend talk to me about his feelings?
Of course men and women are pretty much polar opposites when it comes to this topic. But I've had my fair share of boyfriends that would open up to me even even if it made them look or sound 'weak'. They would tell me what's wrong, they would share their feelings. Of course they wouldn't do it as often as me, since it's a 'female' thing to do.
Now the guy I'm currently seeing did at first talk to me about things, personal things, things 'he never told anybody else' when we were on 'friends' mode, but I feel like when he asked me out (over nine months ago) it has slowly declined. The great majority of our relationship he hasn't opened up or expressed how he feels.
From what he has told me before we went out he has had a very rough life, he had to grow up very quickly and took on various responsibilities a kid shouldn't be worrying about just yet. I remember he once told me that he has accepted that his life will be filled with bad luck and no accomplishments and that he'll never ever be happy. Sounds like the words of a bipolar don't you think? Well, unfortunately, to be honest, I feel like he is. Or just a really really depressed guy.
Tonight I pretty much humiliated myself on the phone with him. He was clearly upset with something that went wrong early today. When he gets depressed I usually give him his space and I try to be patient and let him come to me, the thing is it takes him days, weeks for him to get over it so I usually try to remind him I'm still alive. He's been, from what I can assume, ignoring my calls all day, but finally tonight he answered. His voice clearly showed how upset he was. I asked what was a matter, I kept pushing him and pushing him and nothing. I kind of exploded and went on saying 'why don't you open up to me, I'm your girlfriend you should be able to talk to me about anything, I'm here for you, etc". I said so many other things. I was upset because I want him to come over tomorrow morning but he said he didn't think it was a good idea since he's miserable. I asked him if he could do this one thing for me and he simply said no. I have never had a guy say no to me before, especially since it meant so much for me for him to come over. I told him we could talk about it, but he wasn't having it.
I think maybe he doesn't talk to me about his feelings is because the first couple times he did, I'd get really upset and cry. I didn't cry because he was upsetting me. My boyfriend shows no emotion, he's incapable of crying, yet the things he would talk to me about they were so disheartening, I was crying for him. Seeing me cry made him feel very uneasy, it made him feel terrible, he didn't like seeing me cry, he told me he couldn't stand seeing me cry, it made him feel terrible. I feel like after those times he made some sort of promise to himself that he wouldn't talk to me about stuff that would upset me, which to me is bull poop.
You'd think after a certain time, he'd be willing to talk to me about what's bothering him. I care about him so much and I want to be there for him but he just pushes me away. When he pushes me away, I feel like he doesn't love me or doesn't care about me. I feel like when he does that he wants to break up with me. I get so confused. I hate it when he pushes me away, now THAT upsets me.
I told him this tonight too, he didn't want to hear about it. He didn't want to talk about it, about anything, he told me that's how he deals with it. If he bottles up all his emotions, he's going to go crazy.
I'm sure they are many of you out there that have bipolar or depressed, severely depressed boyfriends. Could you help me and give me your opinion and advice?
I know most of you will say " break up with him ". And trust me, I have thought of it. I have thought of the idea of not having him around and that kills me. i love him so much and I care about him so much more. I feel like that is not an option for me…
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